Witton Albion JFC

After a week's worth of bitten fingernails, "anti-rain" dances and frantic pitch aerating, forking and hair-drying by Adrian and the Hartford management team – thankfully it was “game on” at the Hartford Campus for the local derby. After a desultory warm up in the knee length soaking grass of the neighbouring rugby pitch, the moaning manager pointed to the pitch, the team roared (“yay”) and charged (ambled) to the arena to compete with their local rivals as a “fully wired”, but injured Keegan and Dave came to support the team despite their various injuries. (Legal note: Dave may possibly have no injuries)

The Chief arrived somewhat belatedly “from a very important appointment at the Dog and Duck” just in time to fix the chaos the manager had created in the warm up and thus, Witton started brightly. Having said that, Hartford were clearly dangerous on the attack but most of the early attacks were well controlled and turned into Witton possession by Fin at left back. After just five minutes, Dan H went on a trademark cross pitch run and shot home from an unexpected angle (the angle was not unexpected as it was in front of the goal.. ohh you have to be a goalie to understand..) that surprised the Hartford net-custodian to start the scoring. The Albs looked strong, with Sam pushing on the right and Thomas niggling the home defence but it was left to Dan B to literally power a long-range effort literally through the goalkeeper. Literally. Fin, trainer of the week (in training), gave one for the team by volunteering to stay at left back and, my, did it pay off with some glorious feints and passes up the line against stern opposition. The first half eked out, but not without controversy as Tyler pushed forward but was called offside marginally on a few occasions, much to the frustration of the travelling army.

After a familiar half-time ear-bashing for imagined and rweal (not a spelling error, Woy said wos wight) crimes against football, the red-and-white-stripes donned their tin hats and settled into the muddy pitch to face the barrage that would surely come. The barrage came, as surely as the western wind, but the Witton defence stood strong as Luke chased breathlessly every long ball and shepherded the attackers away from the goal, whilst Harry cleared many efforts from the box and the goal. Witton were struggling to clear their lines (what does that actually mean?) but still ventured upfield to have 3 free kicks go narrowly wide/saved/low/power/curling/can’t remember from Ollie, Dan B and Jack respectively, with a spectacular “Rooney” half way line effort from Tommy unfortunately bouncing wrongly . Aside from the rare adventures in the opposition half, the reds were defending magnificently; Sergeant Wilko was clattering the midfield and Tom A pressing and tackling really well, whilst Alex satisfied himself with calmly saving even the most impossible-looking effort on goal.

A game of 2 halves, but by far the best defensive display yet seen from the team: bodies, faces, legs all on the line to defend the goal, especially from the defensive unit. After some mild telling off, even the grumpy boss was forced to admit “that was ok” on the morrow of a fine victory. The goalie coach refrained from a cartwheel but contended himself with double flip axels as he shouted “it’s ours to lose” over and over again as Witton finished the day at the top of the league.


Captain’s man of the match: Luke
Managers man of the match: Harry
Magic moment: Tom A clearance header
Quote of the day: “how many goals did we let in?..... I couldn’t remember ‘cos I got a ball in the face