Witton Albion JFC

“This is nice”, “yes 'tis most pleasant on this grassy bank”, “look at the dandelions and how they cover the grass”, “the sun is bright today, I do not think it will snow”, “there does not appear to be an opposing team on this pitch” “I wonder where Andy is?”. As the vast majority of the team “warmed up” by sitting on a redundant pitch – some 400 yards (365.8 metres) from the actual venue - the more cerebral players had managed to find the correct pitch and were contemplating a 6 v 11 game. To combat this, the fuming manager had devised a unique formation of 4-2-1, with the manager in goal, four at the back, Gary on the wing and Jo up top. However, this dream team was never to be born as the rest of the team trundled over, each being given the epithet of “Doughnut” as they arrived.

After a brief warm up consisting of leathering balls into a pleasant wooded copse, Witton were on good form, good form for asking questions; “who is captain?”, “do you have spare shin-pads?”, “where is the touchline?”, “who is captain?”, “is Jermain playing?”, “do you have spare shin-pads?” and so on, thus they were able to trot out with none of the questions answered satisfactorily.

Both teams opened fairly brightly, with Witton edging the early exchanges but Alex pulled off a couple of splendid saves to keep out the Vale and Tom A, despite a bug, produced another solid display at the back – coming on top of some really powerful displays in recent weeks. The team were shifting through the gears, eventually hitting top gear as Theo ran riot on the right and Jack exerted pressure from the left midfield, leading to a nicely chipped goal from Dan before Luke added a second. As Jodie shared her “orange breakfast” tactics with whoever was listening, Witton faced calamity as a penalty was awarded, but Alex magnificently saved, keeping it clean for his last ever game for the Albs. Tyler eventually sorted his warm-up out and then proceeded to mess with his opposing left back, leading to a fine dink, a pass-in and an outrageous “non-Geoff Hurst-non-goal”.

A half tine lecture did not ensue, as Witton had for once, passed the ball and with a 4-0 lead the message was “more of the same”. Dan duly accepted the challenge with his hat-trick before Luke wonderously controlled a long ball from Tyler before passing into the net. As Witton dominated. Elliot J was able to fend off a number of shots and cheese puffs from his adoring fans, soliciting admiring comments from the opposition manager after the game. Tommy C was shimmying rather well on the right, combining well with Elliot W – again an unsung hero in the middle. Vale then hit back twice, but it was all red and white as Harry and Keegan bossed the defence with gutsy challenges which allowed Fin O to run free on the left, delivering some excellent balls into the box. Alex was chucked on the pitch and Ollie began to exert more influence with some smart passes as Thomas slowly turned into a volcano of frustration, with a disallowed goal and a missed penalty.

The best display of the season in the first half, the Albs showed the potential they have. For regular fans the overwhelming opinion was that, although the team didn’t reach their potential, the effort was fantastic – particularly in the last five games of the season. Sadly none of the Witton fans were able to motivate themselves to come in fancy dress, however all were treated to an impromptu water fight between Emma and Dave as the team gave a nice send off to Alex. “Rugby?, rugby?” moaned the Witton manager,; “why is he going to Rugby, surely Eton or Wellington (Berks) are better schools?” grumbled the doom-meister before the goalie coach bundled him into the pub for some counselling.

Captain’s man of the match: Luke
Managers man of the match: Fin
Magic moment: Luke’s control and finish
Quote of the day: "you're not coming off, I don't do this to see you sit on your ass on the bench"
Memory of the day: Alex, Koulis & Karolyn – thankyou 