Witton Albion JFC

Dawn broke over the Moss Farm savannah as the local hyenas deposited their early morning gifts, the Witton manager and the evergreen Chief could be seen performing monkey tricks on the goalposts, whilst Tom A and Thomas could be seen spearing the side barrier posts and corner flags into the dewy turf, some of which actually remained upright for more than a minute. The Albs, on a run of 5 games without a win, faced table-topping Alsager Storm following a 1-5 reversal in the reverse fixture in September. “We’ve lost 0-3, 1-3 and 2-3 so today it will be 3-3” claimed an overly-optimistic manager to incredulous onlookers.

Witton scored in the first minute as Keegan nicked the ball off the keeper. After the fans had picked themselves up off the floor, normal service resumed as Witton contrived to concede a penalty (missed) and two soft goals. Nonetheless, the defensive diaspora of Elliot J, Theo, Jack, Sam H, Tom A and Luke worked hard to contain the pressure from Alsager; the pace of the players was enough to keep the marauding Stormsters (Stormies, Stormzies, Stormbolas ??!) at bay.

After a half time debate, everyone agreed that the manager was right and an astonishing second half ensued. A midfield graced by the likes of Ollie, Fin O, Tommy C, Elliot W and Sam R, with Tyler buzzing around up top was always going to be a trial for the opposition and so it proved as the Albs began to dominate the game. Linesman Alex began windmilling like a Napoleonic semaphore station as the manager embarked on a series of incomprehensible substitutions and tactical changes. A few chances went a-begging before Witton claimed a deserved penalty to equalise, then disaster struck for Alsager as a defender scored a spectacular own-goal into the top corner from just inside the box that was somewhat dubiously awarded to Luke on the basis that he was the last Witton player to touch the ball. Alsager then claimed their third easy goal of the day, leading to manager to moan “see I told you it would be 3-3, didn’t I?”. However, the soothsayer was to be denied as a silky run by Nathan was brought to an end leading to Keegan dispatching his second “Kane-style” penalty and claiming his first hat-trick since 7 May 2017. A nervy few minutes followed but, joy, Witton were able to see the game out.

After the referee and linesman stopped abusing each other, there were some desultory handshakes and then everyone legged it to the pub for the post-match “warm down”.

Captain’s Man of the Match: Luke
Managers Man of the Match: Keegan
Magic moment: Elliot J low save near the end: crucial!
Quote of the day: “you support Forest? How is that going for you?”