Witton Albion JFC

Witton parents were steeling themselves for a shock revelation by the moany management team as club sources revealed that the goals do not magically grow overnight and then put themselves away after each game. “I don’t think I’ve ever put the goals away” boasted the successful Witton U18’s manager Alan at the club AGM last week as he munched his way through the last jammy dodger. Nonetheless, Witton were looking forward to a game against their erstwhile rivals Northwich Vics Villa, led by the irrepressible Ian Egerton; “half my team have decided to go shopping instead of playing football!” exclaimed the managerial veteran.

Witton sidled onto the pitch and although the opening minutes were even, the warning signs were apparent as Witton pressed hard. One such attacking pressing moment allowed Keegan to break through and he was able to open with a lovely little chip over the advancing keeper. It was full ahead both engines as Ollie and then Ewan were causing havoc in the attacking third allowing Lewis to add 2 more in quick succession. Tom A was breaking up most attacks and Noah was looking very strong at the back, as Northwich came back into it forcing a stupendous double save, including a lesser-seen "headstand" on the ball from goalkeeper Elliot. Even Elliot was unable to keep out a close range goal just before the break as the defence went sleepy. The Witton linesman sank to his knees in despair as the prospect of another “shared ayrton senna” disappeared before his eyes.

After the break Finn started well and made the right decisions in keeping the increasingly dangerous Northwich attackers at bay, whilst Alex was looking good for another clean sheet. However, it was the midfield trio of Theo, Luke and Elliot who inspired a spell of Witton domination allowing Lewis to take his tally to 4. The Witton defence decided to have a quick nap though... which led to a corner sneaking inexplicably past 8 defenders and the goalie to nestle in the far corner. The manager was seething on the touchline at this point, although the sight of chief Chris flapping his arms and shouting “calm down, calm down” calmed the tension a little. Witton then had several more chances, but the only other addition to the scoreboard came from Keegan, who nutted the post in his effort to push the ball over the line after a Thomas “pass” from one yard out. “We do actually have a scoreboard, why don’t we use it?” asked one parent after the final whistle as he legged it to the getaway car.

Witton were pleased with the result with the red-faced doom-meister spouting his usual grim rubbish after the game; “doom-meister is not even a word”, he muttered as the tumbleweed blew over the ghost pitch and the goals magically “floated” back to their home in the garage. :o)

Captain’s man of the match: Ewan
Managers’ man of the match: Lewis
Magic moment: Elliot’s double save (with headstand on ball).
Quote of the day: “and it’s a great break-dance move from the number 7 there”