Witton Albion JFC

A heroic midnight snow clearance effort from the Witton management team allowed this crucial league fixture to take place. However, as the sun rose all the snow had melted anyway and it was almost Ibiza @92 (it was a hot year) temperatures that greeted the hardy Park Royal army who had to battle through genuine, real snow from their cosy upland East Cheshire Alpine lodges. Chief Chris, frustrated not to use his rotivator was at last put in good mood when Clare shoved his hot chocolate into his greedy mitts at the allotted time.

Witton were unfocussed in the first few minutes, this poor approach led to few opportunities and it was Alex who became the sweeper at the back; when he could not lay his sticky-like gloves on the ball he was launching cannon-ball goal kicks upfield. It was still dreary stuff as the first substitutes were forced away from their gossiping and onto the pitch…nonetheless they seemed to have an impact as two smart passes led to Keegan dancing into the box to force the opener. The Wolves were suddenly hungry as Tom A began to break forward and supply useful passes on the left side which led to a switch of play and a 40 metre run by Keegan for his second. The half-time whistle shrilled, but it was Witton that wanted to play on.

The half-time team talk was momentarily disrupted by a devotee of football, who had shamefully put herself on the substitutes bench without prior permission of the management. The shouts of “you can play mum” and “Andy can fake your card” were not enough to encourage the skillster to strut her stuff.

It was a sorry sight in the opening moments of the second half as a quality first touch and a decent short pass seemed to be beyond the Albs, but Ewan was toiling away in defence and produced by far his best and most aggressive display that the fans had seen this season. Luke was having fun on the right flank with some splendid first touch and passes, leading to a surge from Captain Lewis and a penalty which was dispatched into the top corner by Keegan. Park Royal had no answer to the Witton attack as Thomas breezed through several challenges and set up a opportunistic shot from Sergeant Wilko for the fourth. Chances were going a-begging as Theo (or Tho as he shall surely be re-christened) was motoring down the left flank, but it was Noah standing strong at the back who was stopping all attacks, backed and led by Elliot J with some fantastic safe hands. It was only a matter of time before Ollie ghosted into the box and shot home a well-deserved goal.

“I’ll take that all day” exclaimed Chief Chris on the final whistle (last seen riding the whiteboard down the black run at Runcorn ski centre), though the manager was ambivalent on the performance. “It’s time for Frodshambles MK IV, bring it” he muttered.

Captain’s Man of the match: Luke
Managers Man of the Match: Alex P
Magic Moment: A 40 yard run by Thomas to set up the fourth goal
Quote of the day: “The ref needs to cut his hair” (Not a Witton Fan btw)
Attendance: (estimated): 34