Witton Albion JFC

Football was the winner as Witton and Northwich Vics Villa performed some splendid fixture gymnastics to get some football played on a windswept NCC Bowl today. After the Vics’ home pitch was declared unfit for purpose and the Moss Farm 3G pitch was booked for what appeared to be a whistling competition, the cricket pitch had drained like a leaky sieve - nay a colander - and the football was on. Northwich gaffer Ian, with a veritable army of staff again suffered a mass “shopping drop-out”, whilst Witton Chief Chris was futilely hanging off the locked garage door whimpering “I really want the rotivator, I want it now”.

Witton started in a new formation, which appeared to randomly scatter players all over the pitch, but it worked as the Albs dialled up the pressure and opened the scoring early with goals from Lewis and Keegan. The second goal produced a thunderous roar that startled the parrots at Chester Zoo from a grinning John Gamble who was prancing on the terraces with delight. The first half saw Witton at their attacking best with the forward 3 striding forward at will (even though nobody called Will was playing), including a couple of cracking levitating “Maradonnas” from Dan the Man. Elliot was looking cool in goal, and treated his fans to some delightful clearances from both feet to keep most of the danger at bay, whilst the “guvnor” Noah was marshalling well at the back and on occasion making his trademark runs forward to help set up further goals from Lewis and Keegan.

In the second half, the Vics kept in sight but Witton were dominating. Thomas made up for his profligacy in front of goal with a number of assists and TomRon was exploiting the space afforded on the right flank. A couple of polite penalties were exchanged, including one bravely taken by Ollie and Witton gifted another corner for the fourth from the Vics. The Witton defence were picking their own formation, to the bemusement of the manager, but both Luke and Finn were able to penetrate the first line of green and white defence for Theo and Ewan to run unceasingly and unselfishly for the team. Keegan was on fire and added two more goals including a wonderful run and far post finish, whilst Luke popped up in the box for the final goal.

A richly deserved win, with some wonderful attacking football from every member of the Witton team. Apparently the manager smiled but this could not be confirmed by independent observers, who suggested that the misery was mostly seen stabbing ineffectually at his phone in a vain attempt to keep an accurate record of the goalscorers.

Captain’s man of the match: Ollie (who has now hoarded all three trophies in his cabinet at home)
Managers man of the match: Luke
Magic moment: Keegan’s first, calmness personified to slot another left footer home.
Quote of the day: “If you could tell the coaches when you decide to change the formation that would be nice”
Bonus quote of the day: “I didn’t say that, I said shoot!”