Witton Albion JFC

A new favourite for the football-team-mascots-grand-national emerged today as Witton unveiled Dave the Wolf, with a "hand-crafted" Witton Wolves t-shirt in front of his army of adoring fans. "He's right up there with Sherwood the Bear" exclaimed the Witton number ten as he chased seagulls around the pitch after the game. It was just as the morose manager was delivering his key points in the pre-match team talk when the pa system decided to play Peter Kay's Amilliro with a shrill "sha la la la la la la"....

That set the tone for a scrappy first half, which was barely memorable save for some good handling by Elliot J when called upon and two goals from Lewis, after magnificent pressing from Ollie, sandwiching a Sandbach goal as the Witton defence slumbered in slow motion as though becalmed in sandy quicksand. Nonetheless the governor Noah was stable and controlling the back line admirably, whilst Dan the Man was unlucky with cleverly taken opportunities and some great, deftly disguised passes in the midfield.

As the mascot bounced up and down the Wolves were sent out with a sandfly in their ear and slowly but surely came to life as Sergeant Wilko popped into the box and slotted home smartly. Witton fans will always remember that a riled Keegan is someone not to be trifled with and in scenes reminiscent of Rudheath 2013 he fired a second half hat-trick including a wonderous goal started by Alex after a fantastic brave save, a quick throw out to Ewan who stepped, dummied, faked and lollipopped to the half-way line to Keegan who embarked on a mazy run to beat 5 players to score. Throughout the second half the defence were sound, Luke with his new-fangled ball-magnetic boots and Tom A producing his best display of the season on the right side. Thomas at last produced a goal after some excellent build up play by Theo, the unsung engine-room in the midfield. Captain Lewis capped another fine display with a 30 yard free-kick expertly dispatched into the top corner, more than making up for the earlier return fixture (is it possible to have an earlier return game? Prequel? First game? Opener?) when the dangly-crossbar denied him a certain goal.

A dominant display from Witton, but despite the tough games to follow, Witton Wolves are definitely on the up and could yet force themselves into contention in the league. The manager however, was more concerned with another incident of whiteboard vandalism; "I cannot believe I look like a muppet, that looks nothing like me".

Captain's man of the match: Thomas
Managers man of the match: Tom A
Magic moment: Alex save - Ewan run - Keegan run and goal
Quote of the day: "Have I scored a hat-trick?"
Bonus quote of the day: "Can you come on? This isn't customer services mate!"