Witton Albion JFC

Witton Wolves yet again defeated the weather as “quick draw” Frosty the Rotivator shot off multiple 3G pitch bookings from his rapid-firing pitch booking machine (the Pontivator) on Saturday, provoking an alarmingly high level of incomprehensible meeting instructions from the sour-faced misery masquerading as the manager. The snow had more or less melted by the time the Wolves arrived for their local derby showdown with rivals Davenham (or Dagenham according to one of the manager’s emails) Dynamoes.

The Davenham maestro came up with a light bulb moment and suggested 11 a side as a means of keeping the players warm and more importantly, providing increased entertainment for the blue faced shiverers that had to watch. Nonethess, as the “Kop” was quite full of spectators, some simply wandered up the touchline with a few emitting very loud “advice” to the players. Unfortunately Ewan came down with neck flu and Alex was unceremoniously shovelled into an outfield shirt and instructed to be left back. “Left back, why are you leaving me” enquired a bemused-looking Alex as he successfully kept out the Davenham wide players. It was more crowded than the tube station at Euston at 0800 as the teams slugged it out. Ollie and Lewis were pressing hard and well but apart from a couple of speculative efforts, nothing of note happened until the last minute of the half when Davenham scored a spectacular effort past a helpless Elliot J who was again very solid in goal throughout the match.

After the break, Witton moved another player into the striker role and began to apply pressure, with Dan the Man hitting the bar and Theo going agonisingly close. Tom A was looking comfortable in the right back role and Finn led well before Keegan miraculously popped up on his own goal line to make a late clearance. In a desperate bid to force the equaliser Noah was sent forward and the tactic worked after Thomas and Ollie set Noah up in space and he hit a great low shot for a dramatic equaliser.

So, an interesting start to 11 a side, unfortunately it saw no end to the tinkering from the touchline as the Wolves had to cope with 4-4-2, 4-3-3, 3-3-4 and then 5-3-1 as the manager went for the record number of formations in a match (currently 17, a record held by himself from the infamous Battle of the Bowl in 2013).

Captain’s man of the match: Dan
Managers man of the match: Alex
Magic moment: Noah’s clinical shot to equalise
Quote of the day: “Noah you’ve had your fun now get back in defence where you belong”