Witton Albion JFC

Witton Wolves set a new Mid-Cheshire Youth League record for the most-games-saved-from-the-weather-in-a-season by yet again offering the miraculous surface of the NCC Bowl for a game when all other non-Carlsberg (other refreshing beverages are also available for sale) pitches simply failed. The manager, however, was somewhat nonplussed by the non-arrival of players from both teams provoking fears of the notorious “Hartfordawaygate” (spellcheck has flagged that phrase up) of 2013 when both teams were sent to the wrong pitch by the nay-saying miserymeister (and that one). Nonetheless, everyone turned up and the manager was locked in his car stabbing ineffectually at buttons, attempting to remove radio5live “cookery hour” from his car stereo.

The Wolves started brightly against a resurgent Holmes Chapel Blue team, headed by the fearsome Neil P. Brightly; this could not describe the monsoon of chances that Witton earned through hard work as Lewis and Keegan worked wonders for their teammates throughout the game, starting with Thomas ending his goal drought with a smart shot and a left foot pass for an early 2 goal lead. Noah and Luke seemed impregnable in defence and wonderfully strong as Witton “kept it tight”. An unfortunate own goal followed and after Ewan had a thunderous shot blocked, Ollie gloriously followed up with one, then two smartly taken goals to take Witton into half-time with a comfy 5 goal margin.

The Chief’s claims of “treat it like 0-0” fell on predictably deaf ears as Witton went wobbly in the second half, partly due to seismic shape and strategy change from the manager. Nonetheless, despite 3 goals conceded, Witton fans will be happy at the hurricane of chances created throughout the game. Alex lasted a meagre 10 minutes as he succumbed to the notorious head and tummy flu and Elliot veritably sprinted to take his place in goal. Although the second half was goalless for Witton there were some encouraging performances from Finn in midfield who was stroking passes around as if by magic, ably supported by the tireless Sergeant Wilko who was strutting around in defensive midfield brushing off the ineffective attentions of a cumbersome rival. Tom, hitherto unfeatured up front, was given a run out in the striker role after another excellent display at right back and nearly rewarded the management with a shot that went narrowly wide.

The management were mostly happy with the game, with the Chief commenting “I cannot believe you locked the rotivator in the garage” as the Witton parents toiled away in taking the goals down, with Steve Daniel cursing the day he volunteered to “roll the pitch if nobody else wants to”.

Captain’s man of the match: Ollie
Managers man of the match: Finn
Magic moment: Theo - a really special back flick in midfield to set up an attack
Quote of the day: “Go and have some more burgers”