Witton Albion JFC

Thanks to the heroic efforts of the ground staff, ie Father Paul heaving the Chief out of his car and gesturing dismissively at the late-arriving manager, there was another game on at the NCC Bowl. The incredible surface at Witton has been a testament to the overnight rolling and forking by the manager (fib) since the season started (lie) and surely he will be in line for the annual Boaster of the Year Awards (true) held somewhere in Merseyside or possibly Birmingham (fiction no offence intended).

Witton were hosting an under-strength side from Egerton and their gaffer Matt was smiling as he surveyed the full Witton squad with the substitution nightmare that would surely follow. After a bright and breezy “GO WITTON” the Albs were hungry for their first half feast as they launched into a right wing onslaught with Theo plundering the acres of space, setting up Lewis for a great opener. Lewis then turned into provider as he swept in a “Beckham” style free-kick for Thomas to score his third volley of the season from close range. Tom A was sweeping well from the back and starting some excellent passing, whilst on the other flank; Ewan kept position well and nullified any danger by some hard running and tackling. Then, after a marauding run forward from Sergeant Wilko, Oliie popped up in the box and slotted home calmly between the keeper’s legs for the third as Witton attacked at will. Another spell of pressure resulted in a penalty and goal-keeper Elliot J was summoned forward to gloriously net his first goal for two years and 19 days.

In the second half Witton pressure-maxed (is that even a word, spellcheck is not flagging it up??!) even more as Noah the Guvnor kept the defence strong (though pundits still await his promised left foot half-way line stunner) and Alex produced a couple of amazingly brave and crazy low saves. Dan the Man was finding joy on the left and creating space all on his own; he was involved as Alex threw out to Finn who passed up the line for the ball to eventually arrive at a hard-running Keegan’s feet who sent the ball into the net just under the bar. Although a couple of set-piece goals were conceded, Witton controlled the game as Luke, after having finished his school catch-ups with his mates, embarked on a number of crucial interceptions and move-starters.

After the game the manager went to sleep in the container (thanks Tim), whilst the rest of the club celebrated “no moaning, yay!”..... before remembering it was Sunday and therefore; training on the following day.

Captain’s man of the match: Elliot J
Managers man of the match: Theo
Magic moment: Alex – Finn – Dan – Keegan: GOOAAL! A perfect play out from the back.
Quote of the day: “I can’t keep up with the subs, who’s been off already?”