Witton Albion JFC

Fans were parading in their summer gear and attending in force for the local derby against Northwich Vics Villa played at the 3G stadium, probably a record crowd for the season, but then again nobody could be bothered to count so it will never be confirmed. “Hey wally I can see your tactics” boomed Vics coach Jason, voicing the thoughts of all to the wally-hatted Witton Manager. The legendary Vics manager Ian breezed up, “me top scorers playing rugby for goodness sake”, he announced.

Witton as usual had a strong start, unfettered by management interference as Keegan slotted home early on and Lewis volleyed in. The team were working strongly with Sergeant Wilko putting in a man of the match display in the heart of midfield and Noah producing some divine defending. Ollie dropped out of his sick-bed for a few minutes and scored a great left-footed goal before Lewis added his second to put Witton 4 up. It was not all plain sailing as Northwich squandered chances and Elliot J was shouting for the team at the back and pulling off yet another commanding performance at the back, slightly unfortunate in conceding a goal as the defence dozed. Finn was active in midfield and showed his committment to the cause by bravely face-butting a Vics boot and then Ewan added to the circus atmosphere by spectacularly somersaulted backwards over the prone figure. The referee awarded a 5.9 for effort and 2.3 for style to the wannabe Olympian.

In the second half Ewan and Luke were producing useful blocks at the back and Alex was grabbing and holding everything thrown at him as the Vics went into overdrive. Nonetheless, Witton weathered all apart from a late consolation and were mostly on top as Theo shut down the centre of midfield. Both Lewis (for his second hat-trick in two games) and Keegan added further goals before Thomas could swivel and finish from close range. Tom A was thrown up front towards the end but no chances came his way.

A strong Witton performance with 15 goals in two games has pushed the team into the all-important Champions League 4th place position. When pressed on why 4th place was important, the Chief was unusually lost for words, muttering “all day” and “I’ll take that” over and over.

Captain’s man of the match: Luke
Managers man of the match: Elliot W
Magic moment: Noah drop, drop, dropping when outnumbered and then picking the attackers pocket just outside the area – perfect defending.
Quote of the day: “Come on it’s not kung fu panda, stop diving in!”