Witton Albion JFC

“Thomas you’re a substitute because you were late” stated the grumpy manager before the game against Vale at their mountain redoubt, which was unusually free of snow this season. Players raised eyebrows at the injustice of the penalty given that the miscreant was driven to the game by aforementioned grumpmeister. The chief, who arrived so late he was almost early for the game next week, contented himself with barked warm-up nagging until the team finally “got it”. Vale looked a big team and manager Shaun was again clad in his trademark premium quality beanie, this time grey, with a saffron laced rim and a embezzled trademark.

Witton, although missing stopper Elliot J after his unfortunate run of freak injuries, had a full squad and rolled out on to the pitch under captain Luke. Immediately, Witton cranked up the heavy guns and began firing at the opposition, with Dan strumming his violin and pulling the trigger in a tough midfield battle which led to some rifled passes to the dangerous looking Sam on the right wing. It was such a combination that led to Keegan embarking on a mazy run for the first goal. Vale were sporadically threatening a poorly shaped Witton defence, but Luke and Alex were timing challenges particularly well, that is, until a fast attack by Vale exposed the lack of shape and an equaliser followed. Sergaent Wilko was scurrying around and really effective in the holding midfield role, with this backbone the afterburn-firing wingers including Theo were able to plunder the buffet down the flanks, creating a number of chances for Damien, who was lurking with intent in the number 9 role.

The second half revealed a number of incomprehensible substitutions with players coming and going like it was some really muddy and cold Tube station. Witton came under some pressure but the defence looked fairly tight but it took a magnificent, repeat magnificent, slider from Tom to save the day. A penalty was awarded against Witton, but was mysteriously booted over the crossbar after someone shouted “AARGH”. Witton built patiently from the back with Fin O really giving great passes out and Noah, working more miracles on the left, produced a cunning ball into the box that out-foxed everyone apart from the fox in the box Ollie, who steadied himself and passed it into the net. The Albs were on top from then on, with Harry probing from the back and producing some attack-stopping headers to maintain stability. Finn G stepped out to play, confidently striding across the turf spraying passes around and it was Thomas picking up on one, that led to Keegan scoring the third and shortly after, a joyous fourth, to send the travelling army wild on the slippery touchline.

Witton briefly hit the heights of 1st before the result of the late kick off between Grappenhall and Frodsham Town, however it’s clear; this team have the potential to go all the way. The manager was seen cursing after the game as he struggled with the various items of equipment; “why don’t people pick up their litter”, “Noah has left his water bottle again”, “arrgh, someone has broken the zip on my pop-up-stadium-subs-bench-carry-bag” where just the more exciting quotes available from the wally-hatted loon. It was left to the goalkeeping coach to announce to the waiting press, “we’re back and we’re coming to get you”.

Captain’s Man of the Match: Keegan
Managers man of the match: Fin O
Magic moment: Tom A death slide to prevent certain goal
Quote of the day: “stop it stop it, just stand still, it’s not strictly you muppets”!